Men are like flowers, each beautiful in their own unique ways. They aren’t all the same, and the truth of the matter is if you want to know how to make your sexual relationship bloom, then you need to try and figure out what kind of man you’re dealing with first.
Knowing ourselves — who we are and how we show up in our most intimate spaces — is a most vital question to answer. Sure, relationships are a two way street and a co-creation. Even so, when we find the most awesome partner, we have the power to either passively sabotage or actively take lead to help create the most passionate, intimate and satisfying bond.
Blind spots abound! Intimate relationships can be all encompassing. When things are going well, we enjoy the euphoria and simply hope it lasts. When things are devolving, we wonder what happened, narrowing our focus on the negative: how bad we feel, what we’re missing and who’s to blame. Because of the close proximity and the constant immersion, it’s very hard to see clearly what is really going on.
Initial chemistry is the spark that fuels a relationship, but that spark doesn’t always ignite for all the right reasons. Attraction is, to many of us, a mystery. How is it that qualities that led us to a person in the first place, can later repel us so strongly and lead to problems down the line? How does that cool confidence that once made us swoon turn into the soul crushing aloofness that distances us from a loved one? How does that first adorable hint of jealousy snowball into full-blown insecurity and dependence?
Different Types Of Men In Every Relationship
Initial chemistry is the spark that fuels a relationship, but that spark doesn’t always ignite for all the right reasons. Attraction is, to many of us, a mystery. How is it that qualities that led us to a person in the first place, can later repel us so strongly and lead to problems down the line? How does that cool confidence that once made us swoon turn into the soul crushing aloofness that distances us from a loved one? How does that first adorable hint of jealousy snowball into full-blown insecurity and dependence?
Different Types Of Men In Every Relationship
The Obsessed One
He is obsessed with you. He wants to talk to you every day, every day. If you do not meet him, he will appear at your workplace or home; He will ask you every move, he wants to know everything about you. The man does not know how to give space or respect your personal life.
Sharing is good, but if he starts telling you where to go and where not, that’s too much. He wants you alone, all for himself. No doubt, this is an evident obsession which is not cute at all. So take him away before he becomes a burden for you.
Not Ready for a (Prime Time) Relationship Guy
He travels in a pack – a group of guys usually in their teens, twenties, early thirties (or even older) who gravitate toward each other due to history and mutual interests. They often view their bond with each other as primary, and are threatened by women who are interested in one of them romantically, because it will impact the group. They have convinced themselves (or tried to) that being in a relationship is being “tied down” – an inconvenience rather than an enhancement – unless he finds a partner willing to adhere to "guy rules." He is oriented toward a single lifestyle and encourage a single lifestyle among their peers and feels abandoned when the get involved.
Along the way, because sexual needs (and maybe covert emotional needs) must be met, this guy hooks up and even sometimes dates, whether overtly or covertly. There’s a certain kind of person this guy is willing to date openly, often chosen with his friends’ approval in mind. If the person he dates doesn’t meet the perceived standards of his peers, he may hide or disparage the relationship out of shame.
One of the many difficulties that arises when trying to engage romantically with this guy is that he recognizes that part of being intimate with someone is being vulnerable and many of these guys don’t perceive being vulnerable as “manly.” When this guy is hanging out with his friends, it’s not socially appropriate to show vulnerability, and so this detracts from his ability to connect with women.
As he matures, his emotional needs may evolve and he may find a way to open himself up to emotional connection. However, in some instances, he may engage in relationships just because his friends have, and consequently continue to have great trouble allowing authentic commitment. He may eventually become invested in the identity of being a “carefree” bachelor. But as he gets older, he does frequently come around to the idea that maybe he is ready for a partner.
A Boy
A boy will always be a boy regardless of his age. Growing up and growing old is never the same. Growing old is mandatory while growing up is optional.
By choice, a boy cares less about what makes you happy as a woman. He knows very little about putting a home together, and he’s not ready to learn.The woman will do the thinking and making decisions. He will be more concerned about his mode of dressing than his character. A boy is loose. He will “kiss and tell” and talks about everything in his relationship to everybody, and openly condemns his woman.
A boy worries about what his mom thinks of him. Even when it’s time to focus on his family, a boy doesn’t plan for the future and doesn’t want to grow up. He doesn’t understand the importance of responsibility.
When his woman is upset, he gets angry. He doesn’t know how to help her become calm. He’s not a bad person, he’s still a child. He would rather play around on his phone or computer instead of participating with you or his family.
You cannot put a bike engine in a car and expect the performance of a car; when a matured woman marries or date’s a boy, she automatically becomes a girl. She will change from a peaceful mature woman to a nagging young girl, and her friends will think she’s going crazy.
A boy gets easily intimidated by his woman’s position, status and feels insecure by her income. He believes he deserves respect because he thinks he is a man based on his age.
It’s difficult to communicate with a boy since he usually thinks he’s right. He feels superior and thinks he’s doing a woman a favor by dating or marrying her. Don’t date a boy.
Emotional Caretaker/Controller
This man treats his partner like a delicate flower that has to be pampered in order to blossom. She may even be kept on a pedestal and is not permitted to fall from grace. He takes great pride in helping his partner grow, as long as his partner understands that there are clear relationship roles. Whatever he gives, he gets back in a different way. He thinks of thoughtful things to do for his partner, and there’s reciprocity to it, as his partner responds to his thoughtfulness by taking care of him in turn. There is mutual respect, but the roles in this relationship are well defined, an experience he not only finds comforting, but necessary. He is probably a man who prefers predictability, patterns, and ritual. These somewhat traditional relationship roles can work well when his partner is comfortable not challenging the role she has been assigned to. This dynamic can work well, even if it seems “old fashioned” to some.
However, this role configuration can also be quite fragile. If any component of Emotional Caretaker/Controller is challenged within the family, he may feel threatened, become more rigid, or even retreat. This careful balance is essential, and anything else can feel chaotic to him and therefore make the relationship as delicate as his treatment of his partner has been.
A Player
It’s better to be single than date a player. No matter how much effort you invest in a relationship with a player, it most likely ends in heartbreak.
A player is smart, selfish, inconsiderate and usually doesn’t stay faithful to one woman. Most women fall for players because they appear attractive and presentable. Players have something extraordinary about them.
He can be rich, famous, tall, handsome, romantic, talented, good in bed and possess many qualities that a woman wants in a guy. He will sweep you off your feet at the beginning and make you believe you’re the luckiest woman alive.
He will tell you what you love to hear and show you what you love to see. He will make unbelievable promises. He will get into your head through your heart and take control of your thinking.
He will spend any amount of money and effort to take you to bed, and after accomplishing his mission, the story changes. Any attention and affection you get from a player can be temporary.
The first problem you’ll encounter with him is that his words will start to contradict his actions, then his behavior and timing will change drastically. Then you will start wondering what you did wrong.
Again it’s not you, it’s him. A player’s time is very limited, because he’s got a lot of women to share it with. It’s hard to win a game with a player unless she’s materialistic or never dates or marries for love.
A player’s heart has no space for love, he will marry a potential victim for selfish reasons or benefits and continue his games after.
marriage. He will tell terrific stories about his innocent wife just to get another woman to bed. Run away from a player.
The Narcissistic Type
He is probably handsome, but, according to him, he is the most good-looking man in the world. He will take more time to be ready than you. Also, he will use an abundance of beauty products to maintain his turbulent appearance, and he will never criticize his appearance in a positive way.
Needy/Dependent Man
This man is often dependent on his partner and feels lost without someone to act as his rudder, guiding him through his daily life. Sometimes this experience of intense need comes from a pattern of being taken care of, or longing to be taken care of, in past relationships or even in his early family life. He may also see himself as unlovable which intensifies his needs from the relationship.Furthermore, there is often a level of disorganization in how these men conduct themselves in the world, (when not at work because there is typically structure already in place). His difficulty creating a structure in his home life intensifies his dependency. Without a partner he feels lost and ineffectual.
The intensity of his need for a relationship comes at the expense of his ability to learn the value of independence when these dynamics are at play, and interferes with growing a relationship in a healthy way. This man’s dependency and lack of realization that he is too dependent on his partner often sabotages his relationship, because he can be inadvertently suffocating. He needs to be in a relationship because he requires someone to take care of him, emotionally as well as perhaps physically. The demands can seem overwhelming, which is a lot to ask of a partner to fill without becoming resentful, which in turn may lead to rejection.
This man who perpetually puts himself in the position of being rejected may have been through this process of rejection many times without understanding his role in sabotaging the relationship. The intensity of his own needs may detract from his ability to identify when the relationship is going sour – when his partner feels suffocated and oppressed by his needs. Without being able to decrease his inadvertent demands his partner ends up feeling miserable, eventually leaves, or becomes unfaithful.
This man would benefit significantly from taking time off from relationships to learn to sustain his needs independently, and sit with the discomfort of being alone. Facing this fear is empowering, and may give this man the opportunity to become more comfortable in his own skin before attempting to have another (albeit healthier, more balanced) relationship. With rigorous self-exploration this man can learn to be more self-sustaining, and will see the value of learning to live on his own. Bu doing so can incorporate a partner in a way that feels healthier and more mutually connected.
A Confused Man
The problem with a confused man is he doesn’t know what he wants.
A relationship is like a door; you’re either in or out. A confused man will put one foot in and one foot out. People will think you have a perfect relationship while you’re actually not sure where you stand.
A confused man can be a wonderful guy who doesn’t play games. He will love you and give you all you want, but he will rarely commit to you. He will give you excuses all the time and put your life on hold, not because he’s bad, but because he has yet to figure out what he wants in his life.
Of course, there is no rush in love, but there is a big difference between endurance and ignorance. You can only endure with a man who knows what he wants and where he’s going in life.
Endurance with a confused man can be risky and a complete waste of time. When a woman makes up her mind and decides to leave, a confused man will change and start making new promises and deadlines just to make her wait more.
After a while, he goes back to his old ways, and for the woman, the waiting continues. One of life’s greatest mistakes is to embark on a life journey with someone who is not going anywhere in life. Avoid dating a confused man.
Solitary/Phobic Man
This man may have a fear of being hurt, being exposed, being vulnerable, or being shamed, typically a result of early patterns of attachment or lack thereof to caregivers, traumas, experiences in past relationships, or a host of other reasons. Now even if he’s tough on the outside, he feels very fragile inside, and so he either shies away altogether from relationships to protect himself, or he may engage in a relationship while remaining extremely guarded, secretive, and uncommitted.
He likely goes to extremes to protect himself from emotional pain, including not putting himself in a position to be rejected. For him, the inability to let anyone in seems a necessary self-protection against being burned again or for the first time. This man may actually be relationship-oriented, but the experience can be so fraught with challenge. Being in a relationship for him involves taking a leap of faith, as he may feel so stuck in previous rejections or slights that it’s just too scary to jump.
He likely goes to extremes to protect himself from emotional pain, including not putting himself in a position to be rejected. For him, the inability to let anyone in seems a necessary self-protection against being burned again or for the first time. This man may actually be relationship-oriented, but the experience can be so fraught with challenge. Being in a relationship for him involves taking a leap of faith, as he may feel so stuck in previous rejections or slights that it’s just too scary to jump.
With support and consistency from his partner, it is possible for this man to begin to gain trust. Regardless, it can be very easy for him to leave. In this kind of a relationship to make sure your needs get met, and if he is unable, understand that he just may not be ready, or he may never be.
The flirting Type
He is handsome and oh so charming. He knows how to make you fall for him. Yes, before the flirt is getting dating many girls and then choosing the best options. You can never expect to be a priority with this man.
If he is free on Friday night, he will call you. However, if he has better options, he will come up with some apologies. It is difficult for girls to resist those sweeter-than-honey words and sparkling eyes. He’s just going to play with you until he’s bored. So you’re just wasting your time.
The Self-Pitying "Nice Guy"
This is the male friend who cries "friendzone" if you turn down his advances. You're not actually that into him, but you feel bad saying "no" when he's done so much to try and win you over.
Unfortunately, this feeling has a lot to do with societal expectations of how women should behave. “Women are raised to be more agreeable, for the most part," says Dr. Greenberg. "We’re supposed to be nice and to give him a chance. But we don’t feel anything for him, or he’s pressuring us and we might think ‘Well, he might be a keeper. He doesn’t feel like a keeper, but if I can’t find anyone else, I’ll be with him.’”
There can be a lot of fear in saying "no", especially when a guy makes it seem like he'll never recover from you rejecting him (trust me, he'll be fine). It's not on women to "give him a chance" just because he splurged on the performative romantic gestures, and women are never obligated to date someone just because he's "really nice."
A Good Man
A good man is the best gift any woman could get. He’s a grown up matured man (regardless of his age) that is done playing games, ready to commit to just one woman and be faithful to her.
He will be responsible, trustworthy, love you and all that concerns you, and you will know it in your heart. He will be sensitive to your needs and will listen when you’re upset.
He will adore you, support you and bring out the best in you. He will be consistent and his words will match his actions. Good men don’t make promises, they make commitments.
You will be his best friend, his confidant and he won’t have to fight nor beg for his attention. He will laugh with you and cry with you. He will focus on your future and not complain about your past.
When there’s conflict, he will listen with compassion. If you’re upset with him, he will work hard to understand why. He will carry you along with his plans. If you disagree with him, he will listen to your point of view.
He will trust without doubt and will give when you most need it. Although he may not have a lot, he will be happy to share the little he has. Most women think good men are difficult to find.
The truth is there are millions of good men out there. Where are these good men? They’re standing right behind the boys, players and confused men. You just have to clear those away first, so that you can see them the good men.
You cannot date or marry a boy or a player and expect the treatment of a good man. You now have a fact-sheet to deciphering the different type of men, and those that you should attract to your life.
Now, smart women like you realize that knowing the 4 different types of men is only a tiny part of getting and keeping your Mr. Right.
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