Why do we feel bad after a breakup

                      

When we feel absolutely devastated by a relationship coming to an end, we should ask ourselves a serious question: “What are we really losing?” Admittedly, one of the most painful things in life is loss, and losing contact with someone we love can be heartbreaking. However, many people decide to call it quits after months or even years of emotional estrangement and physical distance.

Whether it's your first or your tenth, breakups are always a difficult time in a person's life. Even if you were the one to make the decision to end the relationship, it can be hard to adjust to life without the other person but you will surely overcome it.

1- FALSE BELIEFS
You are not sure if the emotion will go away or stay with you as long as you live those who break up for the first time often believe that their sad emotional moments will last forever and their belief is always backup by the false information, images and behaviour of the actors and actress in love related movies.

They visualized and image the scene of  the romantic gestures and the sound of the sweet songs that they hear. If this is your first breakup then understand that you might feel so bad for a while but in the end you will feel good once you start recovering.

2- SHOCK AND DISBELIEF
Sometimes you feel grossly sad when a breakup is sudden, it seems too much to deal with and the mind goes numb, shutting down and refusing to deal for a time. It could be a minute, a day, weeks or months. Sometimes people stay in contact to avoid truly moving on or facing the cold, hard fact that they have broken up.

They will call each other, write or text each other, not tell friends and family and generally play the “if I don’t acknowledge it maybe it will go away” game. If one person is taking it hard and maintaining contact, the other may indulge them for a while, unsure of how to go on from here. Either way, both people are in denial and need to decide if they are broken up or if they’re not.

To move or overcome through this stage of breakup first you must acknowledge that you had a loss and resolve to work through it. Know that you must move on no matter what and you will surely will gradually your sadness will reduce and fade away before you know it you will forget it and move on and regain your happiness again just a matter of time without being swallowed up by sadness that might lead to tragic consequences.

3- FEAR AND LONELINESS
Now the phone has not rung and it has been quite a while. You are getting over the shock and start to realize that they might not call. You start to think to yourself that maybe this is real. That’s when fear starts to kick in. We fear that we will be lonely forever, then sadness enters the chamber of our heart through flash back and thinking of the future.

We fear that we will have nobody to talk to. We fear that we will not be able to make it in this big scary world without them. We fear that when we are sick there will be nobody there to comfort us.

We will jump into bed and hide under the covers feeling lonely, sad, depressed and feeling sorry for ourselves.

Talking to friends and family is not an option. You want nothing to do with what is going on around you. You will sit and cry and listen to “your song” a million times to the point where there are no more tears left. You will look at pictures over and over again.

For some reason we will torture ourselves. I will never be able to find a person that will love me the way that they did. What if I am not good enough, they left me.

Why would somebody else want to love me?
Sincerely, you will surely by pass this tough and sad moments believe me. It is like a wound it will gradually heal with time even the scars left in your heart might be replaced with another person that is highly compatible with you. That scars in your heart will disappear unknowingly to you.

The newly cultivated memories will flush it out. Happiness, harmony and satisfaction will be yours once again. No more sadness.

4-THE STAGE OF LOVE CRAZINESS
The crazy stage is a little bit of everything mixed into one. It is the stage where shock, denial, fear, loneliness and anger kind of come together. I know that many of us have gone through the crazy stage. This is when we have now realized that this is real, but we are not going to let it stay that way. We are now going to do everything we can to try to make this person come back into our lives.

So they haven’t called, I will call them. They haven’t written an email, I will write them. What, no text? I will text them. We check out their web pages and see what their activity is. We want to make sure that there are no other significant people in their lives. And I do not mean we will do these things one time and be done with it.

No we bombard them with calls, texts, emails, letters and beg for them to speak to us. We promise that this time things will be different. We promise to change all the wrongs and make them right.

We try to remind them of all the good memories and try to make them see that it wasn’t so bad after all. We promise to do anything to make it work out. We read articles and books and watch TV shows on “how to get our ex back”. This is now war! You do not love me anymore? Well I am going to make you love me! The outcome of this stage can vary.

Because we are setting ourselves up for disappointment when we do not get the response we were looking for, we can pull ourselves back into one of the above stages. Some of us will go through denial again. Some of us go through anger again and others will experience loneliness and more sadness.

5- THE LOVE ANATOMY IN THE BRAIN
Neuroscientist Dr. Lucy Brown told Bustle about her famed 2010 experiment , in which her team looked at the brains of the recently jilted with the help of an MRI machine. Participants were shown photos of both a platonic pal and a recent ex, and the brains’ responses to each photo were then compared.

Brown found that a photo of an ex activated the same brain regions that are stimulated when someone’s going through cocaine withdrawal. In other words, she concluded, love is a drug and it’s really hard to quit. When a relationship is over, there’s still a part of the brain that keeps love alive,thereby making you feel that excruciating sadness, emptiness and the bond that is still rushing in you.

“When we look at the picture of the person [we broke up with], there’s pain, but the main thing is you’re still in love with them. That’s really at a non-verbal level of the brain,” said Brown.

This can be helpful to know: When you’re feeling awful post-breakup, you’re not being “crazy,” you’re simply being human. You will surely get over it sooner or later trust me.

DEPARTED WORDS

But as time goes on, we start to calm down. Little by little we start to realize that we are still alive. Though some of the pain is still there, it starts to hurt less and less. Yes it might actually take years to get over a person that was a major part of our lives, but the time will come when you will actually be able to smile at the memories instead of cry.

Stop being so hard on yourself. Just because a relationship did not work out, it does not make you a bad person. It does not mean that nobody will ever love you again. Maybe you did try your best to do all you could for the other person. When you are with another person, remember you are part of a couple. A couple is two people and you are only one of the two. You can only do what you can do, just like the other person can only do what they can do. If you truly love a person, you should want what is best for them. It would not be fair to make a person stay in a relationship that is not fulfilling to them. It does not mean that you are lacking something, maybe they are lacking something within themselves and no matter how many things you did for them or no matter how much you loved them, they will never find the satisfaction they are looking for.

Solution DO the following DO
1-DO: Stick to your decision. If it was you who made the decision to break up with the other person, you may feel regret afterwards.

2-DO: Delete your ex’s number if you want. Deleting their number from your phone can help remove the temptation to call or text them when you're drunk or feeling lonely if this is something you want to avoid.

3-DO: Remove reminders from your environment. Getting over someone is much harder when there's evidence of them all around you so consider taking away those triggers. You can start by deleting photos and texts from your phone and, when you're ready, move onto letters and print photographs. This can be one of the hardest steps in the wake of a breakup, but it's also one of the most important.

4-DO: Let yourself wallow for a while. Break ups are horrible! Stock up on some of your favourite comfort food, films and tissues and don't feel bad about crying yourself to sleep every night for a few weeks. This period will pass but it's important to acknowledge your feelings and allow yourself to feel hurt. It can take a long time to ‘get over’ someone but this varies for each individual and the situation of the break up itself.

5-DO: Seek support if you need it. It's perfectly normal to feel terrible after a break up but if you feel like it has been a while and things don't seem to be getting any better or if you feel like you're not coping, don't be afraid to ask for help.

Talking to close friends and family after a break up can be extraordinarily helpful- they will have been through the same thing and will be able to offer advice or a shoulder to cry on. If you don't have anyone go for counseling as the case may be. Talking to someone can make you recover fast.

6-DO: Fill up the new space in your life. Breaking up with someone leaves your life with a whole lot of time and space in it and filling this with worthwhile pursuits is a healthy way of moving on from a relationship. Reconnect with old friends who you had lost touch with, take up a new hobby, throw yourself into your work, do something that scares you. Anything that makes you feel happy and fulfilled. Turning the break up into a positive change and adjusting your mind set will help you get your life back on track.

7-DO not revenge nor find away to hurt your ex be emotionally or physically there is no gain. Let it go and move. Remember anyone embarking on revenge course must dig two grave. Getting back at your ex inform of revenge is for the weak and immature. Do not let the pain of break up transform you into monster you are not.

You gain absolute nothing in hurting your ex. Don't lose the humanity in you through  act of cruelty because of love. Love is good not evil. We are only hurt by it, due to our imperfection. So let go. No Revenge.