People get married when they fall in love and are willing to spend their entire lifetime with a person. Yet, not all married couples last together forever. Many get divorced and separated when problems and distances grow between them. Failure of marriage is brutal for all couples. If only there had been a way to determine if a marriage would last, people could spare themselves from the heartbreak and grief that comes along with divorce.
Marriages rarely die overnight. Almost always, the destruction of a marriage happens little by little, over time. Ideally, if trouble arises in your marriage, you and your spouse should be able to respond to problems before they cause serious damage to your relationship.
When you are having marriage problems, whether they are big or small, the sooner you face facts and decide what to do about them the better. Burying your head in the sand when it comes to marital woes won’t make your problems go away. In fact, they’ll probably just get worse.
You may find yourself replaying old arguments, resurrecting old hurts, crying a lot, or becoming consumed with anger when your marriage is in trouble. Those responses can quickly turn small problems into big ones and cause you to lose all perspective when it comes to your spouse and your marriage.
You may find yourself replaying old arguments, resurrecting old hurts, crying a lot, or becoming consumed with anger when your marriage is in trouble. Those responses can quickly turn small problems into big ones and cause you to lose all perspective when it comes to your spouse and your marriage.
Furthermore, when you let your emotions get out of control, it becomes difficult if not impossible for you to identify and realistically assess all the options you have for dealing with your troubles.
To help bring some objectivity and common sense to your situation so that you can gain a true appreciation of just how bad (or not so bad) things really are, consider some of the more common signs of a marriage in crisis, such as infidelity and contempt.
1.YOU WANT TO BE RIGHT ALWAYS
You make sure you're "right" and the way you see or do it is the only way. Yet for some unfathomable, illogical, and annoying reason, your partner refuses to see it that way. At its extreme, this plays out as self-righteous indignation. If you have to be "right," that makes your partner "wrong." Being "wrong" all the time is incompatible with feeling love.
You make sure you're "right" and the way you see or do it is the only way. Yet for some unfathomable, illogical, and annoying reason, your partner refuses to see it that way. At its extreme, this plays out as self-righteous indignation. If you have to be "right," that makes your partner "wrong." Being "wrong" all the time is incompatible with feeling love.
2. YOU CONTROL or ABUSE YOUR
SPOUSE
Controlling people often participate in emotional extortion, like saying, “Agree with me, or else …” Sometimes it’s more productive and healthier if you agree to disagree. Or, does your spouse attempt to control you, possibly with money? Call you demeaning names? Why would you accept that from anyone, and why would someone who truly loves you treat you that way? If there is an imbalance of power that causes you to lose yourself, you may be in a toxic relationship
SPOUSE
Controlling people often participate in emotional extortion, like saying, “Agree with me, or else …” Sometimes it’s more productive and healthier if you agree to disagree. Or, does your spouse attempt to control you, possibly with money? Call you demeaning names? Why would you accept that from anyone, and why would someone who truly loves you treat you that way? If there is an imbalance of power that causes you to lose yourself, you may be in a toxic relationship
3.DISAGREEMENTS ESCALATE
INTO ARGUMENTS
Disagreeing is a part of life, and positive debates and discussions are signs of a healthy relationship that allows you to learn from and bond with your other. However, when it gets out of hand (I’m talking about flat-out yelling, screaming, and tantrum-like explosions), it's time to stop and reevaluate what's happening. When a simple disagreement turns into one-sided attempts to force the other to see or do things another way, the only thing that will be accomplished is pushing the other away. One sided relationships are a definite sign of trouble in a failing or falling apart relationship.
INTO ARGUMENTS
Disagreeing is a part of life, and positive debates and discussions are signs of a healthy relationship that allows you to learn from and bond with your other. However, when it gets out of hand (I’m talking about flat-out yelling, screaming, and tantrum-like explosions), it's time to stop and reevaluate what's happening. When a simple disagreement turns into one-sided attempts to force the other to see or do things another way, the only thing that will be accomplished is pushing the other away. One sided relationships are a definite sign of trouble in a failing or falling apart relationship.
4. YOU LIE AND DECEIVE YOUR SPOUSE ABOUT MONEY.
Have you and your spouse both been completely honest about your finances prior to the marriage and since becoming a union? People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. What are you hiding and why? And what else are you willing to lie about? Lying about money does not bode well for the underlying trust that a marriage needs at its core .
Have you and your spouse both been completely honest about your finances prior to the marriage and since becoming a union? People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. What are you hiding and why? And what else are you willing to lie about? Lying about money does not bode well for the underlying trust that a marriage needs at its core .
5. YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER
Mystery is a good thing between people. Sometimes you don’t know why someone does something, but you're fascinated to learn more! However, sometimes understanding never comes. The negative type of misunderstanding I’m warning about comes from not being in tune with your partner. Usually, in a healthy relationship, you can begin to know what your partner will do next. If they never learn who you are, or you never understand them fully, then this will become a major obstacle to closeness. The more your partner feels like a stranger, the greater the chance there's no future for your relationship.
Mystery is a good thing between people. Sometimes you don’t know why someone does something, but you're fascinated to learn more! However, sometimes understanding never comes. The negative type of misunderstanding I’m warning about comes from not being in tune with your partner. Usually, in a healthy relationship, you can begin to know what your partner will do next. If they never learn who you are, or you never understand them fully, then this will become a major obstacle to closeness. The more your partner feels like a stranger, the greater the chance there's no future for your relationship.
6. YOU DON’T DESIRE TO SERVE YOUR SPOUSE or TO PUT THEM FIRST.
“Serving our spouses”: that phrase seems almost taboo or, at the very least counter-cultural.
“Serving our spouses”: that phrase seems almost taboo or, at the very least counter-cultural.
And yet, we are called to sacrificially love our spouses ( Ephesians 5 ) everyday, whether that’s physically serving them or allowing their opinions to be as valuable as our own ( Philippians 2:3-4 ) when making decisions.
In fact, sacrificial love—which includes letting our spouses have their way, or choosing to bless them without a guarantee of return—is the exact type of love that we signed up to do when we chose to get married ( 1 Corinthians 13 ).
7. TAKING A LONG TIME TO RECOVER FROM FIGHT
Research have shown that happy couples often use humour to resolve their conflict quickly and other positive actions to reduce the effect of conflict in their marital life. When couples easily relate or unite together as one flesh within a short period of time after conflict or argument it goes a long way to contribute to happy and fulfilled marriage.
Research have shown that happy couples often use humour to resolve their conflict quickly and other positive actions to reduce the effect of conflict in their marital life. When couples easily relate or unite together as one flesh within a short period of time after conflict or argument it goes a long way to contribute to happy and fulfilled marriage.
However, when marital conflicts takes a long time to resolve, it might result to marital difficulties that might affect the marital bond between the couple especially when it is often. Slow resolving of conflict it is a big sign the marriage is heading to hit the rock if care is not taking and appropriate solutions is not provided as at when due it might escalate into proportional marriage failure or crash leading to separation or even worse divorce which is not always the right solution.
8.UNRESOLVED CONFLICTS
There are some couples who do not fight or argue too much. When they have conflicts they reduce interaction with each other till their anger and frustration subsides. This may seem like a healthy way to deal with problems but it isn’t. Partners who don’t argue and resolve their conflicts subconsciously foster negative emotions for each other which do not surface immediately at the time of the conflict but erode their relationship from within. The pent up negativity erupts sometime later but at that time resolving the old latent problems becomes impossible.
There are some couples who do not fight or argue too much. When they have conflicts they reduce interaction with each other till their anger and frustration subsides. This may seem like a healthy way to deal with problems but it isn’t. Partners who don’t argue and resolve their conflicts subconsciously foster negative emotions for each other which do not surface immediately at the time of the conflict but erode their relationship from within. The pent up negativity erupts sometime later but at that time resolving the old latent problems becomes impossible.
9.NOT APOLOGIZING
Another thing that fuels resentment and contempt in a marriage is when one partner commits a mistake but does not apologize. Some married couples feel that they are too close to each other, they understand each other and apologizing is unnecessary. But saying “sorry” combats the negative emotions that permeates in relationships when one partner hurts the other. Not saying sorry accumulates the hurt which can become something greater sometime later and possibly lead to divorce.
If your marriage is also showing these signs then, act fast and work hard to eliminate them before your relationship falls apart!
Another thing that fuels resentment and contempt in a marriage is when one partner commits a mistake but does not apologize. Some married couples feel that they are too close to each other, they understand each other and apologizing is unnecessary. But saying “sorry” combats the negative emotions that permeates in relationships when one partner hurts the other. Not saying sorry accumulates the hurt which can become something greater sometime later and possibly lead to divorce.
If your marriage is also showing these signs then, act fast and work hard to eliminate them before your relationship falls apart!
10.LACK OF TRUST
When trust and respect start to wane in one area, it can become open game in all others. This is usually when a spouse will begin to spy on their spouse. It may start with checking his or her email that was left open on the computer. Then progress to their cell phone calls and text messages, social media, suit jackets, pant pockets, pocketbooks, and on and on.
When trust and respect start to wane in one area, it can become open game in all others. This is usually when a spouse will begin to spy on their spouse. It may start with checking his or her email that was left open on the computer. Then progress to their cell phone calls and text messages, social media, suit jackets, pant pockets, pocketbooks, and on and on.
All this does is deepen the fragility of the relationship. If you want to know something, just ask. You may not get an honest answer, but at least you are not stooping to snooping. Blanket trust is essential in relationships and if you do not trust your spouse, that doesn’t give you a right to snoop, it is usually a signal that help is needed in the relationship.
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