However, it is resulting in some troubling trends in coupling patterns and family stability, challenging the assumption that delayed marriage is always a positive thing. Perhaps most importantly, the increase in age of marriage across the world has been associated with a rising number of children being born outside of the bonds of marriage. And couples who are not married and have a child in their 20s are three times more likely to break up before their child’s fifth birthday than are married couples.
DON'T DELAY MARRIAGE
Girls at the age of 18-24 years always attract serious men who are fully ready to marry them, but at this age most of our girls/sisters never wish to hear anything about marriage.
1. I'm too young for that
2. Who cares about marriage
3. I'm focused on my books
4. I want to gather some money first
5. Marriage is full of problems
6. You're too old for me. (A guy of 30)
These are some of few statements ladies talk of at their youth age.
But these girls will be having serious & series of sex relationship with small boys of their age, because at that age, they always have high rate of boys, guys and men coming for them, but they will prefer to choose those boys rather than the real men who want to marry them.
They are still young to marry right, but they are not young to have sex with boys.
No problem, At age of 25-27, parents will start asking them the following questions;
1. How far?
2. Don't you have any one yet?
3. Are you not planning to get married?
4. Are you seeing that all your mates are getting married?
5. Don't you know you are getting old?
But mind you, parents only see the outside of their daughters, not knowing there is nothing left inside.
At age 27-30 they now start looking for men to marry not boys to have sex and play with again.
You will see them forcing themselves to marry a man who don't want to marry them.
No single man at age 27-30 will like to marry a lady of 30-35. Now you hear the old used worn out dumped ladies saying 'age does not matter'. After they have been ragly used for so many years. At this point age matters a lot.
Remember you rejected men because you think you were too young to get into serious relationship that birth marriage.
Age matters a lot to real men. After years of frolicking around till worn out age of 30-35 they will start praying like never before, moving from one church to another.
If she's a Muslim or Christian, she will start praying night prayers, fasting and dressing modestly.
If you ask her for dating, she would burst out to say
1. My brother, I'm not like them.
2. Am looking for a serious man, a husband not dating.
3. If you truly love me go and see my parents for marriage.
You don't expect a young man of 27-30 to marry you of 30-35 as his house wife when there are younger pretty girls out there.
Even if he chooses to ignore your age and marry you, his family and friends will discriminate you.
Men that will be interested to marry you will be of 45 years and above and mind you, those men are married with kids except you want be second or third wife as a worn out old cargo.
Everything in life has its own season and time.
There's no lady at age 30-35 seeking for marriage who haven't been approached during 18-24. But by then, they were busily jumping from clubs/parties to hotel rooms looking for FUN not MARRIAGE.
Not everything is about prayer. God who created you has made a plan for you.
But when you change the plan or miss the road, please don't disturb the peace of God.
Because, God will be busy planning for your younger sister or other young girls.
Unforeseen Consequences Of Choosing To Delay Marriage, It May:
Delay maturity. Particularly for men, marriage is a maturing event. It’s important to be mature before marriage, but few things cause us to grow up as much as marriage. If marriage is delayed, I fear maturity might be delayed as well. Instead of growing up and getting married, men may be tempted to stay immature which will actually hinder relationships.
Encourage selfishness. One strength of getting married at a younger age is not experiencing a long period of time of living alone. If a person leaves home for college or University , lives in the university life, and then moves out for a short period of time on their own, they won’t necessarily grow accustomed to living alone. One of the difficult adjustments I hear from people who marry later in life is the struggle of learning to live with another person–sharing everything, submitting to one another, never being fully alone. To delay marriage may make this adjustment more difficult.
Hinder healthy marriage. While we can delay marriage, we cannot delay the physical development of individuals. As marriage is delayed, sexual activity outside of marriage increases. Many couples act married without being married which hinders healthy relationships. Sex needs commitment. To engage in the former without the latter, diminishes a person’s chances of having a healthy marriage. The number of couples living together near the age of 25 reveals it is a natural age for marriage. Sadly, many have exchanged the power of a life-long commitment with a temporary arrangement of living together.
Limit options. Many who intentionally delay marriage in order to start a career are surprised by the limited choices they have latter in life. College or University can be a nearly limitless pool of possibility for relationships, but in your early 30s the options can be much more limited. A person is free to delay marriage, but they should not assume their options will be limitless later in life. I regularly hear from people who are now ready for marriage, but they can’t find an eligible candidate.
Know this there are many times in which life delays marriage. Not by our own choice, but because of a series of circumstances, we don’t get married in our mid-20s. These delays don’t mean we are hopeless, can’t experience a good marriage, or are doomed. One can get married at 25 and have a horrible marriage while another can marry at 45 and have a great marriage. So love the person not the idea of love as explained below.
Know this there are many times in which life delays marriage. Not by our own choice, but because of a series of circumstances, we don’t get married in our mid-20s. These delays don’t mean we are hopeless, can’t experience a good marriage, or are doomed. One can get married at 25 and have a horrible marriage while another can marry at 45 and have a great marriage. So love the person not the idea of love as explained below.
LOVE A PERSON NOT THE IDEA OF LOVE
Openness, transparency, and trust are vital elements of a healthy relationship. However, no relationship should begin with one person immediately giving total access to their heart.
Trust must be built. When someone immediately jumps into a relationship thinking about forever and completely giving the other person access to their heart, body, and soul, they are actually revealing they struggle with establishing proper boundaries and should not be trusted.
When a guy or a girl feels smothered after the first date or two, they should run because the other person is not in a healthy place to have a true relationship.
Because they are in love with the idea of love, they cannot love another person.
The stereotype is that of a woman who falls into this pattern, but it happens just as much with men.
Two False Relationships
There are two current trends within dating which are hindering meanings ful relationships.
Some engage in the “hook-up” culture. Refusing to take the risk and be known, they pretend they are above typical dating. They “hang out” and are “just friends,” but also engage in serious physical relationships with the very people they refuse to get to know on an intellectual level. Few things will sabotage the potential of a meaningful relationship like ignoring proper physical boundaries. By engaging the body before the mind, we confuse both. The mind can’t fairly evaluate the other person as a potential mate, and the body becomes trained to move on to the next relationship when the physical contact loses some of its excitement.
Others are married at first date. In a culture which is largely rejecting exclusive relationships, some are creating them well before they should happen. Desperate for a relationship, they assume if the first date goes well that the other person should be fully committed. It too is a recipe for disaster. In no other scenario do we so quickly commit to something, yet some start thinking about forever just because a dinner and a movie went well.
Both scenarios are wrong because neither values the other person. In both cases, the relationship is a vehicle to use the person in order to meet personal needs.
A relationship is supposed to be about another person. It grows slowly in trust and comfort so that we can share the fullness of who we are. This should never happen quickly. It’s something which should be earned over time.
We should value ourselves enough that we aren’t willing to give complete access to our heart to just anyone. We should understand boundaries in order to protect ourselves and others. We should not confuse foolishly rushing a relationship with what it means to be open, loving, and honest. We should value privacy and understand that some things should be saved for very few people.
This doesn’t mean we should run from love or that we should be afraid to let our guard down. We should, however, wisely progress in a relationship learning if the other person is trustworthy and kind enough for us to open our hearts to them.
Many people are more in love with the idea of love than they are with any specific person. As long as they desire a relationship more than a specific person, they will likely experience neither.
Don’t Over Rush Too
I agree, marriage shouldn’t be rushed. While there was a time in which marrying at a young age (18-21) was normal, it is not advisable.
One of the most predictable characteristics of divorce is getting married too young. While there are exceptions, couples who get married before age 22 have greatly increased divorce rates. 18, 19, and 20-year-olds generally do not have enough life experience to make the important choice of marriage. There is no downside to delaying the decision, but plenty of upside to ensure a wise choice.
The late teenage years and early twenties is a special season of life which should be greatly enjoyed. While fun should not be the primary focus (sorry college students), it should be a byproduct as young people transition to adulthood and begin creating the life they want.
In the past, getting married during this season was normal, but in today’s culture it is too early. The transition from 20 to 23 may not seem like much, but it is an important maturing process that is necessary before marriage.
No comments:
Post a Comment