Reasons why someone you love become abusive

You can't just look at people if they are an abuser or not; he/she may be your boss, teacher, neighbor or a person sitting next to you at gatherings.

Abuse by definition refers to a harmful injurious act of a person that may take any form verbal and physical to sexual, psychological and emotional. Stalking and bullying also constitute abuse. 

1 in 3 report knowing a friend or peer who has been physically hurt by his or her partner. 

Anyone can suffer abuse in a number of circumstances, such as at the workplace, in educational institutes, on-board buses and trains and even in the confines of their home.

The reason why some people become abusive is a prevalent question amongst scholars, therapists as well as medical practitioners. 

There are several reasons that could incite someone to undertake abuse as a form of expression of their inner struggle. Here are some of the reasons:

ABUSE AS A CHILDHOOD LEARNING EXPERIENCE

Most abusers have histories of deep childhood trauma, a complex psychological, physical and emotional pain due to the family circle environment they grow up in a home they encounter, experience and witness several abuses or were abused themselves. 

The experience they went through locked deeply in them unresolved trauma that germinate into adulthood which can be stimulated by unfavourable circumstances resulting to abusive behaviour.

Those who grow up where domestic violence occur often eventually view abusive behaviour as a normal this makes them feel that abuse is the only way others would listen and understand. 

Only 33% of teens who are in an abusive relationship have told someone about it. 

Many people who are abusive struggle with the aftermath of traumatic abusive experience and become abusive themselves.

JEALOUSY AND SUSPICION
Jealousy, for some abusers, becomes a trigger point. While they dub it as a sign of love, it is only the one upon whom the abuse is being done who can tell the difference. 

In relationships, he/she may question about whom you have spoken or meet, accuse you of cheating on them or be jealous of the time you spend with your family and friends. This may lead to an array of verbal or physical abuse.

LACK OF EMPATHY

Empathy is showing deep fellow feelings, an act of of putting yourself in the shoes of others or what they are going through. An abusive person lack empathy to feel for the person he or she is abusing. 

They believe that the person want to cause them harm. They imagine is their fault and deserve the maltreatment. They interpret their victim behaviour wrongly most cases to justify their cruel abusive act.

Abusers seems insensitive to others pain, they may expect from their children and life partners to do things far beyond their capacity and when they fail to do so, they think it is acceptable for them to resort to abuse. In general, abusers do not consider the feelings of others.

80% of girls have been abused in their relationships continue to date their abuser. 

CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR
Controlling behavior serves the need of the abuser to dominate others. And when they feel that the person under them is no longer in their control, they become abusive.

INFLUENCE OF MEDIA

The early exposure to mass media in audio and video format such as television shows, movies, songs etc that glorifies abuse by making it fun, harmless and normal. A concrete example is verbal attack, physical attack, belittling etc.

Subconsciously what the abuser have learnt from the mass media become active which will manifest sooner or later in accordance with the actions and reactions gotten from their immediate environment.

THEY ARE EASILY IRRITATED AND PRONE TO ANGER
Anger and irritation is another hallmark of abusive individuals they easily irritated by seemingly small things when provoke it leads reactive anger the emotional turmoil they are experiencing lower their reason to act logically which might result to verbal or physical abuse. They are likely to react more than expected, often time if the person that stimulate their anger continue to talk back or justifying their actions it will only make the matter worse. 

It is far better to keep calm, apologise or plead to calm their boiling nerves down if necessary take your leave, just walk away to cool the situation. In some cases too it worsen the situation because it all depends on the individual differences and how the abuser respond to the issue. Sometimes they will not control their anger until they act on it which relief them of their emotional outburst for a chronic abuser. 


MENTAL DISORDER 

Depression, anxiety and personality disorders may contribute and increase abusers motive to abuse; they may also have impulse control and anger issues which they use as an excuse for their act of persecuting others.

They might not consciously aware that they have certain mental disorder that makes them more abusive. Their underlined mental issue can inflict severe injury, deformity and accidental death. 

An act of abuse should be considered coming from a disturbed mental state which certainly needs to be reported to professionals like clinical psychologist,
psychiatrist and mental health counselors for evaluation and treatment.


THEY ARE NOT EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT
Abusive person lack the emotional intelligent to sustain and heal a demanding frustrating situation, they don't know when to react and not to react if they are under emotional distress or pressure. Inability to understand the emotional stimuli makes them emotional poor.

Often time they respond to emotional draining situations negativity without thinking through before reacting. In fact they act before they think that left them with guilt, pain and disappointing regret. That is how low their emotional intelligent is. In most cases they thought they are in control of the situations especially if they have their own family. Come what may they blame others more than they do themselves, a cripple reason that blind them not to see their own weak emotions, weakness and faults. 

NOT ACCOUNTABLE FOR THEIR ACTIONS 

Abusive person thinks when they are hurt, then it is natural to hurt others. Their lack of accountability trigger their abusive tendency when the situation arises.

THEY DON'T RESPECT BOUNDARIES

Those who are abusive tends to lack the understanding of their limit when dealing with people. They see their spouse, children and friends as an extension of themselves thinking they are not entitled to have any boundaries. That lack of space means they are under the control of the abuser as the deciding factor

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