Cheating is a lot of things: Hurtful, hard to process, emotionally difficult. But most people make decisions that just make it worse. Here's a handy guide of what not to do when faced with what you don't want to deal with.
If you catch your partner cheating, you may experience a rush of different emotions that can cause you to do the wrong things. However, it’s crucial that you play it smart and try not to react in ways that will only make things worse for you.
Violence
Being cheated on is not grounds for battering your partner. The law will take its full course and you’d have lost on two sides - your partner, and your freedom.
You could argue that losing a shameless, cheating partner is not really a loss but still, the point stands.
It is enough heartbreak that your partner did not turn out to be deserving of your trust and affection as you thought they were. Don’t lose your freedom because of them. Domestic violence is never acceptable and resorting to that will leave you full of nothing but regret.
Don’t ignore the infidelity
You might be tempted to act as if nothing happened because it feels less painful, but if you do, any resentment you have will likely fester, and what’s more, you won’t address the underlying problems in the relationship. "The most important thing is to understand the meaning of the infidelity, because many, many times it’s a reflection on the satisfaction in the relationship," says Firstein. "There are, of course, situations where people are sexually compulsive, but most of the time, [cheating] really happens in a kind of attempt [by the cheater] to bring some attention to the problems in the relationship."
Maybe the infidelity really was a one-time moment of weakness or maybe it was an attempt by the cheater to find something they felt was missing in the relationship. Either way, figuring it out will bring you closer together and make infidelity less likely to happen again in future. You should focus not on "making things go back to how they were" — things are already different — but on building a new, stronger, more fulfilling relationship. It is possible.
Start Airing It Out On Facebook
By all means, talk to friends and family; they help you through rough times. That's what they're there for. But don't start relentlessly posting wall statuses about being cheated on, or for that matter go near your ex's wall. Or the wall of whoever your ex cheated with. That way leads to appearances on Lamebook and having to go back and erase dozens of wall posts. Also, it makes your being cheated on your life, and you'll be unable to move on.
Don’t contact or meet the girl if it is a male partner
You may find yourself thinking that the problem will get solved if you approach the girl. Or you may just be doing it out of curiosity. But this move is not helpful at all. First off, the girl is not the problem here. If it’s not this girl, it will be another. The girl did not betray you or make you any promises. Your man cheating has absolutely nothing to do with the person he’s cheating with. So fighting her will not keep him from cheating again and it really won’t make you feel better either. And most importantly, it won’t save your relationship.
Make a public scene
Causing a public scene either by fighting or screaming or something else will be embarrassing for you and you do not need that, no matter how fragile you are.
Not because the cheating person deserves any pity or cover up but we advise this because it is something you’d forever regret when you are calm enough to think things through.
It is better to walk away from that scene of discovery and plot your next move without drawing the attention of a crowd. You can still retaliate but why not do this in a classy way.
If it is a male partner don’t apologize to him
If you catch your man cheating, yes you should confront him. And there’s a very good chance that he’ll try to place some part of the blame on you. He may claim you don’t give him as much attention in bed or out. You may be tempted, in your desperation to fix your pain, to apologize to him and take responsibility. This is the worst thing you can do. A man who’s unhappy with his relationship should talk about it with his partner. Bringing another girl into it is not the action of someone who wants to have a better relationship. It’s the actions of a man who has either given up on you or is so selfish that he just can’t be bothered about how you feel.
If it is a male partner don't Leak his N*des pictures
You guys got naughty and did a couple of se3x videos or even took shots of yourself naked, then you catch him with the lady he claimed was his cousin- Yes, we know how it happens but it is still not enough reason to leak his nudes. Consider if the tables were turned, would you like it?
Don’t let someone else decide if you’ll leave or not
Your mom says to leave him; your bestie says give him another chance. But it’s your choice whether the relationship is worth salvaging and repairing or not. “You know what’s best for yourself,” says Antonia Hall, MA, a psychologist, relationship expert, and author of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life.
People will always have their own opinions, but the final decision on how to proceed is yours. “Nobody else really understands the dynamics that go on between two people,” Dr. Greer says. “No one else can appreciate what is best for you, and what is going to work for you going forward. You’re the only person who can decide whether you want to continue being in the relationship or not.” Remember, this is your life. “There is no shame in staying, and there is no shame in leaving,” says Samantha Burns, a licensed counselor and dating coach.
Trash Your Partner's Stuff
Yes, this is a time honored tradition in crappy dramas about strong women and their less-than-perfect husbands. And in the movies, it's absolutely hilarious. Who hasn't wanted to set a luxury car on fire or cut all their cheating spouse's possessions in half with a chainsaw? In real life, though, it makes you look like a lunatic and it means your partner can take you to small claims court to replace what you ruined. As tempting as it may be, don't do it.
Don’t forget to take care of yourself
“This traumatic experience can negatively impact your mind and body,” says Burns. “In order to bounce back from this, self-care is essential. You can’t make rational decisions, such as whether to stay or leave, when you’re not taking care of your physiological needs.” Make sure to eat, exercise, sleep, and have fun. Laugh and live a happy life despite what’s going on. Try coping techniques like therapy, mediation, writing in a journal, hanging with supportive friends, or reading self-help books, says Burns. Do activities that bring you joy and pleasure. “Buy yourself flowers, get a massage, spend time outdoors,” says Hall. And visit a healthcare provider if you’re having physical reactions such as shakiness or nausea.
Don’t blame yourself
In relation to the point above, many women blame themselves when a man cheats. They feel insecure, unattractive and even like a failure. But again, his cheating is not about you and you definitely should not take the blame. If you catch your man cheating on you, don’t doubt yourself. Remember, nobody is perfect and betrayal should not be his way to deal with your imperfection.
Whether you choose to stay or go after being cheated on is ultimately up to you. But the most important thing is to maintain your dignity and focus on your own happiness.
Reveal secrets
Yes, we know you are hurt and your emotions raw but please and please, do not be tempted to reveal secrets told you in love and trust. No matter the position you caught your partner, refrain from divulging secrets about them- you can never tell how this will bounce back to haunt you.
Don’t rush the healing process
“Healing from a breakup is one of those things that doesn’t have finite ending,” says Masini. “No gong goes off and no buzzer sounds when you’re done healing. The process, like life, is fluid and unique to you.” Be patient with yourself as you try to figure out what to do next. “Don’t put pressure on yourself to ‘get over it,’ or preemptively offer forgiveness,” says Burns. “There are no time restrictions. Talking about it and processing what happened is most helpful in starting the healing process.” You’ll heal and be happy again on your own time. Watch out for these relationship habits you think are loving, but are actually dangerous.
Don’t shy away from professional help
"Very often, [infidelity] is the thing that really brings people to a therapist’s office" when they could have benefitted from being there long beforehand, Firstein says.
Yes, it can feel scary and messy to analyze your fury/guilty/shame/embarrassment/sadness while sitting next to the person who triggered it. But a therapist can give you both tools for establishing healthier styles of communication. This is your shot at a new relationship with the same person — don’t be afraid to call in a pro. And trust, they have already seen it all.
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