Reason why a man cheats

According to an expert opinion on infidelity. "Cheating is a symptom generally of relational problems, and sometimes cheating is indicative of an individual's problem," says Laurie Watson, sex therapist and host of the podcast Foreplay. "The philandering guy who's got a girlfriend at every hotel for business, that's a different kind of cheating than the man who has an affair with his colleague."

Sex is not the dominant reason why men also emotional needs too as opined here: "Typically, if someone's cheating, it's because needs aren't being met in a marriage or relationship," says Dr. Megan Fleming, licensed sex and relationship therapist.

That can mean sexual needs — but often means someone's emotional needs aren't being met.

In fact, when marriage counselor M. Gary Neuman spoke to 200 cheating and non-cheating men for his book The Truth About Cheating, he found that 47 percent of the men he spoke to cheated because they were emotionally unsatisfied, something that runs counterintuitive to what popular culture might dictate that we believe.

"Our culture tells us that all men need sex to be happy," Neuman says. "But men are emotionally-driven beings, too. They want their wives to show them that they're appreciated, and they want women to understand how hard they're trying to get things right."

When their significant others aren't showing them how much they really do appreciate them, they could feel the need to get their fix somewhere else.

The fact is that all sorts of dynamics can play into a man’s decision to engage in infidelity or cheating. However, in general overview men choice to cheat is driven by one or more of the following factors: 

1.HE IS A LIAR
He never intended to be monogamous, despite his commitment. He doesn’t understand that his vow of fidelity is a sacrifice made to and for his relationship and the person he professes to love. This man views monogamy as something to be worked around rather than embraced.

He is insecure. Deep down, he feels that he is too young, too old, too fat, too thin, too poor, too stupid, or too whatever to be desirable. He uses flirtation, porn, and extramarital sex as a way to feel better about himself, to reassure himself that he is still desirable, worthwhile, and “good enough.”

2. HE IS IMMATURE
He thinks that as long as his partner doesn’t find out, he’s not hurting anybody. He doesn’t understand that significant others almost always know when something is up. He doesn’t “get” that his partner will eventually find out what’s been going on, and when that occurs, it won’t be pretty.

3.HE IS DAMAGED
Perhaps he is acting out early trauma experiences, such as physical abuse, neglect, or sexual abuse. His formative wounds have left him unable or unwilling to fully commit himself to another person. He may also seek sexual intensity outside his relationship as a way to self-medicate (escape from) his emotional and psychological pain.

4. TERMINAL UNIQUENESS
He may feel like he is different and deserves something special that other men might not. The usual rules just don’t apply to him, so he is free to reward himself outside his primary relationship whenever he wants. 

5. UNFETTERED IMPULSE
He may never have even thought about cheating until an opportunity suddenly presented itself. Then, without even thinking about what infidelity might do his relationship, he went for it. 

6.UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS
He may feel that his partner should meet his every whim and desire, sexual and otherwise, 24/7, regardless of how she feels at any particular moment. He fails to understand that she has a life of her own, with thoughts and feelings and needs that don’t always involve him. When his expectations are not met, he seeks external fulfillment.

7.ANGER/REVENGE
He may cheat to get revenge. He is angry with his mate, and wants to hurt her. In such cases, the infidelity is meant to be seen and known. The man does not bother to lie or keep secrets about his cheating, because he wants his partner to know about it. 

8. CONFUSION ABOUT LIMERENCE VERSUS COMMITMENT
He might misunderstand the difference between romantic intensity and long-term love, mistaking the neurochemical rush of early romance, technically referred to as limerence, for love, and failing to understand that in healthy, long-term relationships limerence is replaced over time with less intense, but ultimately more meaningful forms of connection. 

9. DISTURBANCE IN THE MARRIAGE AS THE PRIMARY REASON
When there are regular fights at home with his wife, which are left unresolved, a pattern sets in wherein he continues to be unhappy and 'disturbed'. In this kind of a scenario, either he can fight or he can flee. When he looks for an affair, he is looking to flee from dealing with the issues in the marriage, and be comfortable with that 'other person'. It is telling oneself that the problems do not affect anyone and life can continue in a better way with a parallel support.

10. AN EMOTIONAL CONNECTION
This one may be shocking to some out there. As relationships mature, power struggles tend to become more prevalent (as obvious as the "I'm Right"/"No, I'm Right" conversation and as subtle as the timing and frequency of sex).

When a man experiences repeated power struggles with his spouse, his natural tendency is to "go to his cave," which really means get quiet and distant and grumpy. And that makes an emotional connection with his spouse that much more difficult. Over time he begins to miss the emotional connection he previously felt with his spouse.

When he meets someone new and they accept him for "who he is" it's much easier for him to connect with his emotions and feel that connection with this new and interesting person.

Of course when the lust and honeymoon period are over and the power struggles start to arise in the new relationship he'll likely revert to his well-learned pattern and his struggles will start all over again. It's a vicious cycle. Might I suggest for men to get our struggle with power in check?

11. APPRECIATION
When appreciation stops being quite so obvious and plentiful from their spouse — and if the relationship contains a heavy dose of blame and criticism (as most do) or even possibly contempt — men start looking for positive affirmations from others. With the new love interest everything is wonderful — he is wonderful — in the first flush of a new relationship.

12. INTIMACY
Men want a partner who will listen, who will volunteer information about their own lives and discoveries and someone who smiles and excitedly shares their hopes and dreams.

If this is at all surprising it may be from the fact that men don't generally know how to communicate this. In their existing relationship, they have the tendency is to think, "We're married so therefore I know everything about you … " In a new relationship everything is new and exciting and learning about the new partner is initially easy and the feeling of intimate connection is created.

13. FEELING WANTED
Everyone wants to feel wanted regardless of age, gender or occupation. Men are no different. And men tend to be socialized to provide security and strength as an expectation, rather than something to be appreciated for.

As life moves along a man can often feel like he is taken for granted. Meaning, he feels like he only matters because of what he can provide, not because of who he is. In a new relationship suddenly he matters again.

14. SEX
I said it wasn't all about sex not that sex wasn't involved. Men generally do want sex and obviously the more the better. Sex is one way that men feel connected to their partner.

Men also feel appreciated and wanted when they have sex with their partner. So for men, sex provides the first four items on our list plus physical pleasure that allows men to focus totally on the present moment. In a new relationship the sex tends to be a lot more frequent. At least initially!

15. ELEVATED TESTOSTERONE LEVELS Men in committed relationships tend to have lower testosterone levels than those who are single, according to a study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. However, men in relationships who report cheating on their partners—or even who just say they'd consider it—have levels about as high as single men, notes Steve Gangestad, PhD, one of the study's authors and a psychology professor at the University of New Mexico. "They are really in some sense not taken off the market," Gangestad wrote about the report. "They are still interested in other women, and they are still high in testosterone. They are still engaged in the mating effort."

Adrenalin seeking
Some people are thrill-seekers. They look to cheating as a way to satisfy their curiosity or reverse their boredom. Curiosity paves the way for them to seek out a new partner or explore unchartered sexual terrain.

Whatever the reason men cheat, it never makes it right. Communication is key to plowing through any relationship issue.

BONUS
10 SCIENTIFIC FACTS OF CHEATING AND INFIDELITY
1.) Research has found that certain physical traits and characteristics are linked to infidelity. For instance, men with larger testicles and higher levels of testosterone are more likely to cheat.

Some scientists have suggested that there may be an evolutionary reason for this: having these traits could offer guys a competitive edge over other men when it comes to passing along their genes because higher testosterone stimulates more sexual desire, thereby reducing the odds of missing out on potential reproductive opportunities.

2.) Studies have found that when people in monogamous relationships cheat, most of them don’t use condoms during the act. Cheating is therefore a very high-risk behavior for contracting and spreading STIs.

3.) Despite the arrival of Ashley Madison and other websites designed to facilitate infidelity, the prevalence of cheating isn’t any higher today than it was 20 years ago. In other words, it doesn’t seem to be the case that these new technologies have encouraged more people to cheat—rather, they’ve just given would-be cheaters an easier way to do the deed.

4.) The frequency with which heterosexual women have orgasms with their partners does not predict women’s likelihood of cheating; however, the frequency with which women fake orgasms does. That is, the more a woman fakes orgasms with her partner, the more likely she is to cheat on him.

5.) People don’t agree at all on what “cheating” actually means.  Not everyone thinks that sexual contact with someone outside of their relationship constitutes cheating; in contrast, others think that just talking to another person or having dinner with them can be a form of cheating. Research finds that men and women define cheating in different ways and, further, that what we think of as cheating also depends upon our attachment style.

6.) Research has found that men and women are more likely to have affairs just before beginning a new decade of life. In other words, when we’re at an age that ends in a nine, we seem more inclined to cheat.

7.) There is some truth to the old saying “once a cheater, always a cheater,” because research has found that a majority people who admit to infidelity say they’ve done it more than once. However, this isn’t true across the board. Whether a cheater is likely to cheat again depends upon their reasons for cheating in the first place.

8.) It’s common to have fantasies about cheating on your partner. In fact, studies have found that almost all men (98%) and the vast majority of women (80%) report fantasizing about someone other than their current partner at least occasionally.

9.) When affairs are discovered, it doesn’t always mean the end of a relationship or marriage. In fact, studies have found that some relationships actually emerge stronger from such revelations than they were before.

10.) The risk of having a heart attack during sex is very low; however, research has found that when heart attacks do occur during sex, they’re more likely to happen to men when they’re cheating compared to when they’re having sex with a spouse. Why? Some scientists have argued that cheating induces psychological distress (e.g., by creating feelings of guilt, anxiety, or stress) that, in turn, can have a negative effect on cardiovascular function.